This is so fucked up. Im fucked up. Either way - still the same. I need an outlet with this life, more like a new trend. Im tired of living and yes its true. Im actually craving to open myself up. No one is stopping me anyways, might as well go on with it. I need an outlet! And the only thing I did today to let the stress out is actually hit my head. Now I have this lump on the left side of my forehead and Im just expecting it to turn blue and violet. Wee, colorful. It might look 'pertty'(mispelled it on purpose) on me. Violet has always attracted me and blue as well. But somehow Im still not relieved, I think I should hit my head with a sledgehammer. Might actually work if I use that one instead of just my fist!

Im the type of person that thinks and complains alot about life but doesnt even do anything to change it! See? I am fucked up! Im not perfect, and Im not trying to be but the least thing I can do is make an effort in living. But how come Im about to give up? I know I havent done my best yet but I dont know what's stopping me to do so. I just dont get it. I guess my friend was right when he said that I just wait for something instead of searching for it. He's actually right and I hate it when he makes sense. Grr

I have alot on my mind - no different from anybody in the crowd. I noticed something today that some people dont notice that others can get hurt or has feelings. Or maybe they just dont know how to hold their mouth. No matter how numb a person you think he is, there's always that "nerve" youre going to hit. And yes, it hurts like any other pain you know. They say that words tear a person apart then an actual fist to fist fight - and so true. Id prefer hurting myself with any material I see lying around then bottle up an emotion. Is it that difficult to think first before saying it out loud? I wonder... Hmmm

I dont know if you guys watch "Heroes" but there was an episode where Micah was kiddnaped and he was talking to this lady that lets you see what she wants you to see. She was convincing Micah to help out Mr. Linderman with the whole ordeal of letting Nathan Petrelli(?). Micah actually wanted to know why and the lady told him that Mr. Linderman is going to heal the world, Micah simply replied that he didnt know it was sick. Smart kid, dont you think? True, does the world really do need healing? Is it even sick? This thought actually made me wonder while I was on a jeepney ride. Maybe the world is actually sick and it needs healing and the only way it can heal is to depopulate it. Am I making sense? I know its quite cruel thinking that it should rid of some people but why else would the world be sick? *sigh*

I have so many questions inside my head that if I were a cat Id have a million lives. Questions that sometimes tempts me to question the creator. Yes, my mouth is itching to open up and ask. Im human. Sue me for being curious.

I need to go home. I think I need to get myself back and the only thing I know at the moment is to go home. Reminds me of the book a friend lent me entitled "All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum. He wrote something there, not really that accurate but along the lines of "there's a point in your life that there's a need to go home. Not to replenish old memories or see old friends but just simply to find yourself on where you grow up". Or maybe I got the thought wrong but anyways I'll try to update this thing and post the actual words he wrote on the book. Oh, its a must read book by the way. When I do get home I wish Id still have the will to come back here..

Anyways, I need to end this post here somehow. I think the medicine finally hit me, Im already sleepy and its still 7:30pm! I need my head to be light especially that I hit my head hard. Still hurts by the way. If anyone ask what happened(If they do notice), I can always make up an excuse, right? Like I bumped by head somewhere! Yeah right!Damn! Im getting used with excuses! Haha

Later Dayz! Ohhhh Sorry, I wasted your time in reading this! Crap!